Resurrecting (ha!) an old story: DEAD MAN WALKING

(this short was written as part of a challenge AGES ago and it’s been a bit cleaned up now so i wanted to share it again. enjoy! beware blood and guts and lots of stabby moments)

He wasn’t any deader than usual.

I mean, sure, he was dead. His head was barely attached by a few wet strings of whatever-the-heck, and floating in a pool of blood so warm that it must have been pumping through his veins just moments earlier. No, Roman was about as dead as you can get. It’s just that after a bloke’s come back from the dead half a dozen times, you start getting a bit cynical.

I kicked him a few times to make sure anyway, which turned out to be a bad idea because his head fell off all the way.

“Mongrel!” I said gloomily, more as a general swear than at him in particular. Roman doesn’t like me really swearing. “Blood on me jacket again!”

I crouched by the pool of blood and pushed his head back toward his neck. Nothing happened, but I kept it there anyway, ignoring the darker, slicker patches that showed on my leather cuffs. Roman’s not a vampire or anything like that. He just dies a lot. And it turns out that in a world where someone’s always trying to kill someone else, that can be a pretty lucrative talent.

Fingers clawed at my arm. “Water!” rasped Roman, sucking in a gurgling breath.

“Oh, shut up,” I grumbled.

He sat up easily, dripping gore, and ran a bloody hand over his neck. “You’re no fun anymore, ya know that?”

“It wasn’t even frightening the first time.”

“You keep tellin’ yourself that, kid. You get the money?”

“What am I, an idiot?”

Roman flicked me a Look. “You weren’t supposed to break cover this early. I was supposed to take a ride to the city morgue. You should know by now that some of ‘em come back to check.”

“If I sneak into the morgue any more times this year, I might as well install a revolving door. Besides, what were they gonna check? They cut your head off.”

“I remember. Not my favourite way to die, I have to say.”

“Keeping score, are you?”

“Well, at least we got to live the high life for a while,” said Roman, shrugging. “And the Client paid well, so we should be comfortable for a while.”

“Where are we going this time?”

“Heard a rumour of some kids like me, up in Melbourne. They call ‘emselves Gamers. Maybe we’ll go there for a while.”

“More like you? Together? How’d they find each other, the White Pages?”

“Internet, kid. What are you, ninety? And you found me.”

“Yeah, but I’m not special,” I argued. I just like hanging out in morgues. “It was an accident. I dunno, Roman: a bunch of ‘em together, dying and coming back to life? We really wanna be in on that?”

“Bigot,” said Roman, grinning. “Hey, the Client’s little friends left a machete behind.”

“I’ve already bagsed it,” I told him. “You got the crossbow last time.”

“Possession is nine-tenths of the law,” said Roman. He was closer, of course.

I darted in front of him to get it first, and a sharp noise cracked through the air. Something punched my chest, hot and cold and powerful, and spun me away from Roman.

“Ow!” I staggered, shocked at the suddenness of it all. “Mongrel! What was that?” My knees gave out, sprawling me in Roman’s blood. Only it couldn’t be his, because his was over there… “Oh heck,” I said, and my voice sounded thick, as thick as my blood. “I’m gonna die.”

I saw a confusingly sideways montage of Roman dashing at the shadows on the other side of the street, a shard of light glinting in his hand. Gunshot split the air once again, then four times in quick, frantic succession. I heard a heavy, wet, smacking sound, and the client’s head somersaulted through the air, rolling out of sight down the bitumen.

“Baby, you still with me?” There was Roman again. I must have lost a piece of time, or consciousness, because he was holding me now; holding me too tightly with arms that were wiry and uncomfortable. I wasn’t used to being this close to Roman.

I snuffled a sick laugh into his shoulder. “Guess we asked for too much this time, eh?”

“His mistake,” said Roman, eyes like flint. “Police’ll get a body this time after all.”

“Two,” I said, snuffling again. “Reckon I should have picked you up from the morgue after all. Heck, Roman, it hurts!”

There was the stubbly warmth of his cheek against my forehead. “I know.”

“Money’s in the station lockers,” I said to the growing void. “Number seven this time.”

“Don’t be like that, baby,” said Roman. “We’ll get it together.”

“You suck at lying,” I said. My heart ceased to beat, the silence of it ringing loud and sudden in my ears. Light and consciousness slipped away.

…darkness…

…darkness…

I woke, gasping and flailing, to a feeling of claustrophobia and the smell of plastic. My hands slapped against thick plastic above and around me, and I felt the sharp teeth of a metal zipper on my fingertips.

A body bag. I was in a body bag.

But that was Roman’s trick! I had been dead. So very, very dead.

Breathing too quickly, I struggled with the zip, tugging at it with my fingernails until I’d made an opening big enough for my hand to slip through. I emerged into bleach-scented chill like a butterfly from its chrysalis and looked wildly around.

“Well,” I panted, into the cold silence of the morgue. “This is a twist.”

Villainously good fairytale retellings!

I have been busy this year! What with finishing up the City Between series later this year and joining a semi-secret fairytale retelling collective series, I’ve been madly typing away in my little lair (as well as getting stomach flu twice, busting a rib and making a tiny hole in my lung).

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Now it’s time for the semi-secret series to become public! I’ve partnered with eleven other fairytale authors to bring A Villain’s Ever After to you guys: a series of fairytale retellings from the point of view of the traditional villain. Cover reveals start today (they’re all over Twitter, FB, and Instagram atm) and will continue to be revealed at a rate of one per day.

~*~

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0957GR8BT


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In the meantime! We have a giveaway for everyone to enter! See below for the terms and prizes!

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W.R.’s Guide to Taking Holiday Pics

You’ll kindly note I don’t say good holiday pics. IANAP (I am not a photographer) so I can’t promise anything. But as I started learning how to take pictures as well as learning what sort of pictures I like to take, I developed a kind of process. This is my guide: enjoy!

#1 Just Take The Photo
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You see the shot, but you’ve just walked past. Someone has just come out of the house next door and is staring at you. A huge group of Korean tweens has started up a selfie group right next door. A creepy bloke has been following you down the street for the last two blocks.

Okay, apart from that last one (in which case I advise you to keep moving toward more people); just take the photo. You won’t come back this way again. I mean, you might, but you probably won’t. You’ll never get a second chance for that photo. Take it. Wait for the tweens. Ignore the person and his dog; they don’t care about you, they’re just starting ‘cos you look different. Walk back a little ways.

Just take the photo. Take it like you’ll never have another chance to take it, because you probably won’t.

#2 Take Your Time
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(kinda cheating: someone else took this. BUT WE TOOK OUR TIME I ASSURE YOU)

That dude watching you; the group of ajummahs about to pass between you and your shot; the chilly breeze; the vanishing light. Forget about it all for just five seconds. Take the shot like you’re using a film camera and only have one shot to get it right. (If you’re me, that’s how you’ll be doing it).

Take your time. Take a breath. Get the shot.

#3 That Photo Probably Isn’t As Good As You Think It Is
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It might be. But depending on how much practise you’ve had at turning an opportunity into an actual shot, you’re probably going to have to try an angle or two before you find the best one.

I’ve had a bit of success in taking the shot with my iPhone first, and seeing how the angle/shot composition works out. That works up to a certain point: photos on your iPhone and photos on a film camera are going to look different. But it helps you get a handle on what’s going to look nice, and you can practise composition/framing, etc along the way.

The other thing I do is just keep the camera to my eye and move a little before I take the shot. Try a different angle. Move to the left or right. Go down on one knee like I’m proposing. After a while, you start to get an idea for how it’s going to turn out, but I still advise taking a few moments to decide whether that shot is as good as it is in your mind–or how to make it that good.

That’s it for W.R.’s Holiday Photo Guide (yanno, until I actually learn more about what I’m doing). Happy March, and here’s looking forward to April, with more photos to come!

City Between Short: North by Tuatu

(PRESENTING A SHORT FROM THE CITY BETWEEN WORLD. READ AT YOUR LEISURE AND CHECK OUT MORE ON THE FB PAGE UNDER NOTES!)

Detective Tuatu missed the days when a phone call would drag him from his sleep to attend a murder. The days when the only irritating sight he had to put up with at a crime scene was the stubbly, pre-coffee scowl of the forensics assistant.

These days, it seemed, the norm was for the personification of the North Wind to sweep in under his door, take her human form and crouch beside his bed to blow gently in his ear until he woke up.

It wasn’t as though Detective Tuatu wasn’t already busy enough. He had enough work to be going on with in his own department—not to mention the work he kept getting from a certain small human teenager who was living in one of the most dangerous situations that Tuatu had ever seen—and he wasn’t really interesting in forging any more relationships of the Odd and Dangerous variety. He had a feeling already that he hadn’t quite seen the last of the one he was still entangled with. 

He groaned and sat up, causing the bed to creak. “What do you want?”

“I need a policeman.”

“Call triple-zero.”

“It’s not an emergency,” she said. “I just need a policeman.”

“Then can you please stop breaking into my house?” 

“There was no breaking in,” North told him promptly, seating herself on his bed. “I swept in through the floorboards, just like the spiders. Now if you’d told me your name—” 

“I’m not telling you my name,” Detective Tuatu told her grumpily. His grandmother had known better than to give first names to peoples Odd and Dangerous, and she had seen that he knew better, too. That knowledge had never before seemed necessary or relevant until this latest epoch of his life. Now it had a chill to it. “Can’t you just use the phone like everyone else?” 

“No,” said North simply. “It’s far quicker to do it this way. Besides, you’ve been ignoring your calls.” 

“How do you know that?” demanded the detective, waking up a bit more quickly. He hadn’t been answering all of his calls, but that was because he knew how much of a headache they were going to be, and that didn’t even include answering the phone to North. 

“I tapped your phone,” she explained. “So I knew you wouldn’t answer if I did try to call you.” 

“That’s the point of not answering calls!” Tuatu said in exasperation. “So that I have the choice of whether or not I talk to you! And what do you mean, you tapped my phone?” 

“At any rate,” said North, “if you’d told me your name, it would be much easier. I could just whisper you here on a breeze.” 

“That sounds like exactly the type of thing my grandmother was trying to prevent when she told me not to tell odd and dangerous people my name.” 

North leaned forward and much too far into Tuatu’s personal space, causing a slight blip of his heart that annoyed him greatly. “I am very interested in your grandmother,” she said. “Can I meet her?” 

“Why are you tapping my phone, North!” 

“Because I want to know who’s calling you, of course! You have such an interesting spectrum of acquaintance!” 

“It’s getting more and more interesting by the day,” he said, rather sourly. He got up so that he wouldn’t have to find himself sitting quite so close to her, and added, “I need to get changed.” 

“All right.” 

“That means I want you to leave the room.” 

“Oh.” North sounded disappointed, but she did as she was told, and he found her dancing with sunbeams in the kitchen when he was dressed. 

“You humans take so long to get dressed!” she marvelled. 

“I suppose you get dressed in three seconds flat—” 

“Less,” she said. “But that’s because the rules of the physical world don’t apply to me all the time. Just when I’m being very human. I used to take a long time to get dressed, too. But that was some time ago.” 

She had stopped dancing, and Tuatu found that he regretted the sorrow clinging to every line of her; in her face, in the gentle droop of her shoulders; in her distant eyes. He knew something of North’s momentary life as a real human, and he hadn’t meant to bring up old wounds. 

“What is it you need a policeman for?” he asked. 

The bright smile was back on her face in a moment, and he saw her tiny feet move once, twice, lightly across the floor. She was dancing again: Tuatu had noticed that she seemed to be very fond of the first and last sunlights of the day. 

“Some friends of mine asked me to help them out,” she said. 

“Are you sure it’s something I’ll be able to help with?” he asked doubtfully. “Are you sure you shouldn’t be asking those three about it?” 

“The Troika? No, I wouldn’t like to bother them for something so small as this,” she said. “I could do it myself, but I tend to break humans if I’m not very careful, and—” 

“You have a problem with humans?” he said, filing away for later that rather disturbingly casual piece of information. 

“Yes. Well, as I said before, it’s not exactly my problem: it’s a problem for a friend of mine. She needs a wheelchair to get around, you see, but for the last few months there has been someone parking in the only wheelchair accessible park by the doctor’s office. The rest of the carpark is on a steep incline, so she can’t wheel herself up as far as the front door, and her mother can’t push her all the way there, either.” 

“I can’t stop people parking in a wheelchair park if they need the park and they have a permit,” Tuatu warned her. “The parks are for everyone, not just friends and family of law enforcement.” 

“These ones don’t need it, and they don’t have a permit,” North said, her usually pleasant black eyes narrowing. “They don’t display a permit and when I looked them up in the system—” 

“North, it’s illegal to—” 

“Yes, yes,” she said impatiently. “But this is important. When my friend asked the doctor’s office about them, they pretended not to know what she was talking about. The drivers of the van don’t go into the office, but my friend said you can’t miss seeing their van from the office, even though they go into the aquatic centre that’s under construction next door instead of the doctor’s office. I could fix it myself, but—” 

“I’d rather you didn’t break any humans,” Tuatu said hastily. “All right, all right, I’ll come. I’ll give them a bit of a warning and if they keep doing it, I’ll issue a few fines as well. Is she certain they don’t need the spot, permit or otherwise?”

“She tells me that they sometimes don’t bother to use the wheelchair if they’re only going to be in there a few minutes.”

“All right,” he said again. No permit was one thing; no permit and a demonstrated lack of need for the park was another. “I’m not going to arrest anyone, though.”

“This is enough,” said North, and she seemed pleased.

 They took Detective Tuatu’s car to the doctor because he steadfastly refused to be carried anywhere by the North Wind. North pouted a little but got in the car anyway, and she didn’t complain on the way, either. When they pulled up outside the doctor’s office just outside Glenorchy, she only pointed to one of the parks—the exact one Tuatu would have used if he had been left to himself. It gave them a good view not only of the doctor’s office and the carpark, but of the perennially closed aquatic centre next door. It made him wonder exactly how often North had been on stakeout, and for what purposes.

“There’s nothing there,” Tuatu said, indicating the empty parking spot.

“The surgery isn’t open yet,” North replied. “Just wait. There’s five minutes to go; they should arrive any minute.”

As she was still speaking, Tuatu saw a white van in the rear-view mirror, slowing and with its indicator blinking.

“Right on time,” he said. “It looks like one of the doctors has arrived, too.”

The doctor was a messy, plump, pleasant-looking woman who shot a very narrow-eyed, school-marmish look at the car they were in. That made Tuatu feel slightly better, because if she had noticed that it was odd for a car to be simply sitting in the carpark in this area, then it was likely that she knew all about the van, and that it was something the surgery had allowed.

That was what he thought, right up until the driver of the van got out, walked calmly to the back of the van, took out his wheelchair, and sat down in it. Tuatu would have gotten out then, but the wheelchair ramp came down after the man, and a teenaged boy in a bright red wheelchair rolled out onto the bitumen.

The doctor’s gaze didn’t even falter as she walked across the lot; it swept past the van, past the man who was now wheeling himself down the hill toward the aquatic centre, past the young boy who was now coasting down the hill after the older man.

“The heck!” Tuatu said in astonishment. “Did she not see them? What did I just see? Is it just the kid who needs a chair?”

If so, why was the adult male using one? 

“Oh,” said North. Her voice was thoughtful. “Well, this changes things a little.” 

“What does?” he asked, still watching the two males as they took the wheelchair ramp at the aquatic centre at a very fast clip.

“Follow me,” she said, and got out of the car.

“Wait!” Tuatu protested, fumbling at the door handle; too slow to do anything but dash after her. “There’s no need for you to get involved! I’ll have a word with them myself!”

North said decisively, “I don’t think so. They may not be dangerous on their own, but there’s sure to be more of them.”

“More of who? Park stealers?”

“And they’re always more dangerous when there’s more of them,” she called over her shoulder.

Her feet moved too quickly for him to be able to distinguish them: Tuatu was quite sure she wasn’t exactly human right now.

“If they’re more dangerous, we should make a plan before we go in!” he called ahead to her, but she didn’t slow down.

“I don’t plan things,” she said. “We sweep in, and we sweep out, and we sweep everything before us.”

“All right, but there’s no point in speaking in the royal we when it’s just you and me,” he retorted, catching up with her finally at the door. “Do you have to run so fast?”

“Yes,” she said, her eyes sparkling. “You wouldn’t let me bring you here, so I needed to feel a little bit of speed.”

“You could have wound down the window,” said Tuatu, before he could stop himself. He had been half expecting her to do as much.

North grinned at him, but became serious almost the next minute, as changeable as her name. “You should stay behind me,” she said. “Just in case.”

“Just in case what?” he demanded, looking around the aquatic centre’s carpark that had been filled with construction supplies, and into the empty centre itself. “It was two men!”

“Where there’s two, there’s always more,” North said solemnly, and darted in through the door.

The centre smelled…odd when Detective Tuatu followed her, trying to stop himself protesting that she should be staying behind him when he knew how ridiculous that was. It wasn’t a musty smell or a chlorine smell; nor was it the smell of dust. It was something distinctly fishier than that. Fishy, and perhaps a little bit slimy—the detective felt that he could find himself stepping on something unpleasantly squishy any moment.

“Where do you think they went?” he asked North quietly, as they moved through the chilly entrance area. “I wouldn’t have thought they were likely to be doing anything related to drugs, but this place looks like it’s been closed for the last year, and if the door was already open for them—”

“It’s not drugs,” said North. “And they’ll be at the pool.”

Tuatu would have liked to have asked her how she knew as much, but as soon as they entered the main pool area, he could see that she was quite right: of the older male there was no sign, but the teenaged male still sat in his chair with his back to them, facing the deep end of the pool.

“Aha!” said North triumphantly. “Come here, you slimy little crustacean!”

She seized the teenager by the back of the collar and hefted him out of the chair without so much as a grunt of effort, then threw him directly into the pool.

“North!” Tuatu expostulated, appalled. “You can’t throw people into pools! Especially not when they can’t walk!”

He started forward as he spoke, ready to dive in and save the struggling teen, but North’s tiny hand closed on his elbow with stunning power.

“They’re not people,” she said. “Watch.”

Under Detective Tuatu’s disbelieving eyes, the pair of legs thrashing beneath the water rippled, joined, and became…a tail. The newly outed merman surfaced, cursing, and called North a few choice names that nearly sparked a new desire in Tuatu to jump into the water, though for very different reasons this time.

“They’re merpeople,” North added. “They don’t usually need the wheelchairs—they just don’t like having to walk when they’re in the world above.”

“You can’t out me to humans!” the teenager yelled at her.

“You can’t take over swimming pools and carparks!” North retorted. “Where’s your school leader?”

“None of your business, ground crawler!”

Tuatu opened his mouth to warn the teenager that he was already facing charges of trespass and breaking and entering, but as he did so, there was a crowding of shadows at the doors behind them. Five men, he noticed, with the clear, cool realisation that if North wasn’t as powerful as he suspected she was, they were in a great deal of trouble.

“I’m right here,” said the barrel-chested man at the front of the group. It was very easy to see that chest, not only because of its size but because it was bare and very, very white. “Who’s asking?”

“Police,” Tuatu said shortly, showing his identification. “Who are you, and what are you doing here?”

“This is our place now, ground crawler,” said the leader, and pulled a gun from the back of his waistband. “If the owner has sent you to make trouble for us, well, you’re going to run into a bit of trouble yourself.”

Tuatu was fairly certain it was only a tranquiliser gun, but he reached back and grabbed North’s hand to tug her behind him anyway, his identification still presented rather more mulishly in front of him with the ridiculous thought that it could somehow help.

North, unfortunately, did not budge an inch. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she said to the barrel-chested leader. “I assume you know very well who I am.”

“I do,” said the leader, and pulled the trigger.

North gave a very small, surprised gasp, and staggered back a pace, dropping Tuatu’s hand. A dart, protruding from her shoulder, wobbled as she dropped to one knee, and the detective wasn’t sure whether he or North appeared more surprised in the reflective glass walls around the pool.

“North?” he said sharply. He hadn’t expected something so small as a tranquiliser dart to put down the North Wind. “Do you need a hand?”

“No,” she said, too quickly. “It would be better if you don’t touch me, I think.”

“That’s the problem with you incarnations,” said the leader, to Tuatu’s further bemusement. “You’re always getting too close to the human world.”

“What’s he talking about?”

“Nothing to worry about,” North said, her voice cheerful but faint. “Just don’t touch me and I’ll be fine. Probably don’t talk to me for a few minutes, either; I’d rather you didn’t concern yourself with me at the moment.”

That cut at Detective Tuatu’s heart, because he didn’t see why North should be allowed to sweep into his house, blow in his ear, dance with sunbeams in his kitchen, and then tell him not to be concerned with her.

He drew his gun.

“Don’t point that stupid human thing at us,” the merman leader said. “It won’t stop us; it’ll only annoy us.”

“I enjoy being annoying,” said Tuatu, sparing a quick glance behind him at North. She had pulled out the dart and was again standing, but she didn’t look quite steady. If his only weapon was a mere annoyance to these people, he would need to find a different weapon: he couldn’t count on North to look after them both when she was still swaying on her feet.

He looked around them as far as he could without being obvious about it, but all he could see was the button that unfurled the plastic pool covers, and that was no use unless—unless he could unfurl it very quickly in a particular direction…

“You won’t enjoy it by the time we’re finished with you,” said the merman. “We’ll see how you like a bit of fun with the boys. You can’t threaten us.”

Detective Tuatu met North’s eyes in the glassy reflection of the wall, and flicked his eyes back to the switch. He saw her look at the furled pool cover and grin.

“I haven’t threatened you,” he said to the men. “Not yet, anyway. I’m about to begin.”

“Do what you want,” jeered one of the mermen behind the leader. “You can’t take our pool from us.”

All he needed, thought Tuatu, was for them to move forward a little bit more. In line with that pool cover roll across the water, for example, so that it could easily envelop them were there to be a strong enough breeze.

“It’s time for you to get in the water,” said the merman leader. “If you do us a favour and jump in without us having to put you in, we’ll even let you up to breathe now and then.”

“Come and get us,” said Tuatu, banking on the merman’s overweening machismo. He added, for good measure, “Fish breath.”

It was a safe bet: the merman surged forward with a snarl of annoyance, forgetting his dart gun, and the other four followed him. Tuatu let them get uncomfortably close before he pressed the button, and for a very horrible moment, he thought he’d left it too long.

Then there was a roar of wind, and the scream of plastic whipping through the air at high speed. A brief tornado of wind and plastic tore around the group of five mermen while the teenager yelled threats and insults from the pool and struggled to climb out again, then there was only a very vocal bundle of plastic struggling on the cold pool tiles and one rapidly calming teenager who had just realised the precarity of his situation.

“Nice work,” said Tuatu, to North.

She smiled brightly at him. “See how well we work together! Aren’t you glad you came with me? It was much more interesting than I thought it would be: such fun!”

“Oi,” said a familiar voice from across the pool, while Tuatu was trying to find a way to express how very much he disagreed with her point of view. “Couldn’t you lot wait five seconds for us? We were coming.”

The teenaged merman disappeared in the flip of a tail, and Tuatu saw him beneath the water, trying to cower behind the pool cleaner. That wasn’t surprising: across the pool was a trio of Behindkind and one scrawny human. The scrawny human was Pet, Detective Tuatu’s friend and current thorn-in-the-side: she wasn’t exactly deadly, though he had the feeling that if she stayed with the people she was staying with for much longer, she might very well be.

What had frightened the merman, however, was the massive, pale fae lord at the front of the group: Lord Sero, apparently, though Detective Tuatu knew him as Zero. If Zero’s imposing presence and hard, cold blue eyes weren’t enough to frighten anyone, the fae lord was flanked by Athelas on his left; a brown-eyed, gently smiling, quietly terrifying fae steward who knew far too much about everything in general and death in particular to leave Detective Tuatu comfortable. On Zero’s right was a gorgeously suited, perfectly pressed, almost glowingly handsome Korean man—vampire, as Tuatu was quite well aware. The vampire’s pout and liquid dark eyes seemed to suggest that he had come for blood and had not as yet been satisfied. Tuatu, who had seen exactly what it took to satisfy the vampire, understood perfectly why the teenaged merman didn’t break the surface.

All four of them skirted the pool and approached: Pet grinning, Zero slightly frowning.

Of North, who was bubbling over with laughter, Tuatu asked resignedly, “Was this all a joke? A Between surprise party or something?” 

“No,” said North, still giggling. “But my friend did say that there were a lot of suspicious looking people around yesterday and now I understand why!” 

“Rude!” said Pet, but she was still grinning. “Suspicious, me? I’ve got a very trustworthy face!” 

“They were probably talking about the fae lord with a knife belt and the vampire with blood all down his face,” Tuatu said.

“I should like to point out that he does not at present have blood on his face,” Athelas gently mentioned. Despite the gentleness of his voice, the mere sound of it caused the bundle of mermen to become deathly silent and cease their struggles. “Moreover, what sinister appearance do I present?”

“I don’t know,” Tuatu said. “But I know you’re not harmless.”

“I should think not!” said Athelas, even more gently, and turned to assist Zero, who had silently begun to unpackage the sardined mermen.

“I am trying to be very good,” said the vampire, leaning an elbow on Pet’s shoulder. “But I would like to bite someone.”

The cold smile that accompanied the information, along with the fact that the JinYeong had said something understandable at all, instead of in Korean, suggested to Tuatu that he was the person JinYeong would like to bite.

Tuatu cleared his throat and looked away. He asked Pet, “Did he just speak English?”

“Nah,” said Pet. “He must’ve decided to let you understand him for once.”

“To let—Is he getting in my head to do that?”

“Nah, he’s just using a—um, translator.”

Tuatu narrowed his eyes at her. “I don’t believe you. Why does he still want to bite someone, by the way? He’s usually been pretty busy biting people by the time he gets to me.”

“Yeah, well, that’s the problem: he hasn’t been. This lot only go troppo on Behindkind when they’re causing harm to humans. Merfolk having a bar mitzvah every few days and stealing disabled carparks isn’t causing harm to humans, just being a pain in the neck.”

I would like,” said JinYeong, more quietly this time but no less stubbornly, “to be a pain in the neck.”

“I think I preferred it when I couldn’t understand the vampire,” Tuatu said. “Is that—is that what was happening? They were taking over the centre to host parties? They pulled a gun on North!”

“It was only a tranquiliser gun,” North said dismissively. “They probably thought it wasn’t going to work on me: they were just playing.”

“Yes,” said the vampire, tilting his head to look at North, and then at Tuatu. “It is verrrry interesting. But if they had played with you, it would have been unpleasant.”

“Yeah, we saved a bloke from one of ’em the other night,” Pet explained. “They nearly drowned him, but he got out onto the road. Figured he’d come from in here and thought we’d come and see what was going on next time someone arrived.”

“What’s Zero saying to them?” asked Detective Tuatu, looking curiously across at the five cowering mermen and the one teenager who had been as unceremoniously dragged from the water by Zero as he had been thrown in by North. Zero towered over them, even the barrel-chested one, and he wasn’t surprised at their change of attitude. “Why can’t I understand it?”

“He’s telling ’em that if they don’t watch their p’s and q’s, he’s gunna let you arrest the lot of ’em and they can see how dry their precious scales get when they’re rotting in jail,” said Pet, grinning. “And you can’t understand ’em because he’s doing the reverse of what JinYeong’s doing.”

Tuatu very nearly grinned. No wonder the merfolk had been gazing over at him with expressions of horrified disbelief for the last few minutes.

“Is he going to stop them coming here?”

“Nope,” said Pet. “They’re allowed to use the pool; they’re citizens as well. But they have to hire it out the same as everyone else, and they’ve got to clear away all the stuff that makes it look like the centre’s under renovation. And they have to pay the fee to have the pool cleaned every time they use it for one of their parties, to get rid of the gunk.”

“Tell them they have to stop using the disabled park next door, as well,” the detective said, stepping forward to address Zero. “If they do that again, I’ll lock ’em up and throw away the key.”

Zero’s pale brows rose: Tuatu couldn’t tell if the fae was irritated or impressed, but since it didn’t seem likely that he would be impressed by Tuatu, the detective came to the conclusion that Zero was irritated.

Still, Zero asked the mermen, “Did you hear that?”

The mermen nodded quickly and silently, without looking up, and Zero raised his brows once again in Detective Tuatu’s direction.

“Are you satisfied, Detective?”

“Yes,” said Detective Tuatu, retreating to the relative safety of North, Pet, and the vampire. North gave him an approving pat on the shoulder, which made Tuatu feel far more exhilarated than he would have expected, and Pet grinned at him once again.

“If we’re done here, we might as well go back home for a barbie,” she said.

Detective Tuatu hadn’t quite been holding his breath, but he must have been tensing, because he discovered that his jaw was tight only when he relaxed. He knew something of the methods of these three non-humans, and their methods usually involved a more…permanent solution to misbehaviour.

“Told ya,” said Pet, who had been watching him narrowly. “A telling off is all they’re getting.”

“No one need die today,” Zero said, but he said it toward the mermen, and Tuatu was left with the feeling that it was a warning, not a comfort. “You can go.”

The mermen shuffled out, dragging the soggy teenager with them and murmuring various iterations of, “Thank you m’lord”, “Yes, m’lord”, and “As you say, m’lord”.

Zero watched them until they were gone, his broad back turned to the rest of the group, relentless in his watchfulness.

“You came close to minor disaster today, my lady,” murmured Athelas to North. “It can be such a…humanising sensation, interacting with the denizens of this world.”

“Nonsense,” North said, putting her nose up a little. “As if a few mermen would be a problem!”

“That,” said Zero, turning to pierce her with a cool blue look, “was not what Athelas was referring to. I’ve already warned you about this sort of thing: if you want to be safe, you shouldn’t get attached to humans.”

“That’s only good if you want to stay alive,” said North, with barely-concealed exuberance. “I want to live.”

Detective Tuatu opened his mouth to ask exactly what they were talking about, but Pet got in first.

“C’mon, you lot,” she said. “I’ve got steak out on the bench and if it goes bad, I’m not going to the supermarket to get more.”

“I love steak,” said North, grabbing Detective Tuatu’s hand. “And I love not cooking even more! If you ask me very nicely, I’ll carry you there so quickly—”

“I’m not telling you my name,” the detective said.

“But—”

“No.”

“Later, then,” she said irrepressibly. “I’ll come and see you tomorrow morning to see if you’ve changed your mind.”

“I don’t—” began Tuatu, but it was too late; he was talking to the wind. North now sat demurely in his car, as if she’d been there all along.

“Catch ya at the house,” said Pet, winking; then she, and the vampire, and the two fae were gone.

Tuatu found himself content to take the human way around. After all, even if the incarnation of the North Wind was waiting in his car, for a little while she had been human enough to take a dart to the shoulder.

And that was something Tuatu felt should be encouraged.

welp, it’s the new year

…and here i am, sitting at my desk, writing and waiting for parcels.

same old/same old.

must be time for a cup of tea.

happy new year, you blokes.

End of Card Caper Monday, Season 3

Well, it looks like this is the end, my friends!

The end of season 3 of Card Caper Monday, that is. Don’t worry: it’ll be back! But for now, this is it while I focus on writing BETWEEN HOMES and CLOCKWORK MAGICIAN, each of them distinctly difficult in their own, odd little ways…

If you’ve missed the stories, you can catch up on the links below:

a time and a season

temporary toads

a sneeze in time

happy thoughts

and an optional extra, which isn’t really one of the Card Caper stories, but was originally written in Korean for my homework. I translated it because I liked it a lot, and it reads significantly better in English…

dust and starlight

Next time around, I’ll try for a two month run of Card Caper Monday. In the meantime, happy reading!

Writing around the edges…

Hello! G’day! It’s your newly emancipated author here! If you want to know how the new life is–it’s great!

I’m settling into my new freedom beautifully: I’m on track with my writing schedule (though I haven’t quite got my pilates schedule on track yet) and I’m even managing to work on my business/advertising skills! I don’t love the marketing/advertising side of my business, but I’m doing it.

When I first began writing, it wasn’t like this. I began writing seriously when I was roughly twelve, so obviously as I was writing, I was also doing schoolwork. And since I did home schooling for my high school years, for a good four years, I was also working a nearly-full-time job.

I knew that if I wanted to be a full-time writer some day, I had to use every available scrap of time. So I wrote in my lunch break. On the bus going to work. On my days off. In the evenings after my school work was done.

And when I graduated high school and began to work full-time, I still had to work around the edges. Weekends, lunch breaks, after work. I gave up TV time, I read a little less–I made all the time I could possibly find. And I wrote like mad.

I learned how to self-publish, I learned how to market. And little by little, my writing income grew. I had a five year plan, but honestly I only needed four years to get to where I am now. Along the way were kind-hearted strangers, new friends, helpers of every kind (some of whom are now my best writerly friends) and companions.

And these days, I no longer have to write around the edges. I mean, sure–I’ve got to be disciplined. I’ve got to work some days when I don’t really feel like it. I have to do the stuff that’s more like work than fun. But I’m doing the thing I love the most and I’m making a living at it.

So if you’re a writer as well as a reader, and you’re stuck in the hard yakka of writing around the edges, don’t give up! I’m not a household name by any means, but I comfortably make enough money to live on. That’s what’s possible if you self publish. You just have to do the hard yakka first. And one day, with good writing, good management, and a little bit of help, you’ll be making a living at this writing game yourself.

Go for it!

How I Study Korean These Days…

If you’ve been reading my books for any length of time (or have been active on my Facebook page), you’ll know that I’m learning Korean. I’ve been learning for a couple years now to indifferent success, and it has, predictably, bled through into my writing.

I have what I call my “kdrama series”, where I mess with kdrama tropes with as much glee as I mess with fairytale tropes in my retold fairytales, and in my UF I have a Korean character who refuses to speak English.

This means I always have to keep my Korean fresh, and keep getting better, to boot.

So at this point, you’re probably asking–how do you study Korean these days?

Honestly, it involves a lot of mumbling to myself.

Oh, you mean apart from that.

Well, these days I have a teacher. It’s going to sound really stupid to say so, but having a teacher makes a world of difference. You guys probably already knew that, but apparently I’m slow in the uptake. When I first began to learn Korean, I didn’t have the extra cash to pay for a tutor: things are different now, and I’m so glad I took the plunge!

I’m with Preply for lessons at the moment: you can buy bulk lots of lessons and get a reasonable discount, which I’ll be doing now that I know I learn effectively this way. I was looking for a male teacher in particular, since although female voices are pretty easy to understand, I struggle to understand male Korean voices. I also knew that I would want to select a tutor based on when they could tutor me, as well as the cost of the lesson. It was easy to refine my choices by all of those considerations on the Preply website.

With those criteria in mind, I narrowed down my choices to about three tutors. Each of the tutors also has a short video introducing themselves, so that you get an idea of how well they speak English, what their qualifications are, and how they propose to teach.

Out of those three, I found one had a voice I would find difficult to listen to for more than a few minutes, and another didn’t have enough of a grasp of English to effectively teach me.

And that’s how I ended up with Dylan. He’s an extremely patient and thoughtful teacher (he has to be, to teach me!), and he speaks at a really comfortable speed for me to be able to understand him during the lesson. So apart from recommending Preply as a good platform in general, I would specifically recommend Dylan as a teacher if you’re trying to learn Korean. You can check out his profile in the link above, or check out Preply to see what other languages you can learn through the link above that.

Finally, I’m writing what basically amounts to a diary entry every day in Korean, talking to the dogs in Korean, studying with the Sogang Korean books (also highly recommend them!), and still watching a lot of KDrama. Not to mention, of course, that one of my favourite bands is Day6, which basically means I get great music and Korean language exposure in one delightful package…

All of those things are great, and good–but the thing that has made me jump up a level in my learning has definitely been getting a proper lesson each week. The prices are not at all steep, and the accountability is A++

If you have any questions about my study habits or my experience with Preply (this is not a sponsored post, btw, I just love their service so far 😀 ) comment below and I’ll answer them.

Until next time, happy reading, everyone!

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